GLP Interviews U: Camouflage (part 1 of 2)


Godwin’s Law Productions (GLP) – which is a brain child of Heimdallwarda and unfuck U – asked me for an interview about camouflage.

I am rarely asked for an interview and maybe even less so about camouflage.
If they had asked for an interview about the benefits of medication I could have pointed them to any of you guys. 😁

Anyway, here’s the interview.

GLP: Greetings, U!
I thank you very much for the opportunity to realize this project with you.

U: You‘re Welcome, GLP!
It‘s a pleasure having this talk with you.

GLP: It is more than just an experimental cooperation for us, but the result of mutual understanding and maybe it will inspire other people to come together, work together or cooperate in any creative way.

U: *nods sagely*

GLP: We hope that our conversations, our interviews, the facts we present as well as the questions we rise are of value to the visitors and readers of our blogs and websites.

U: Gee, didn’t you tell me before our interview to correct your English?
I didn’t find any grave mistakes yet (except your accent maybe). Nothing here for me to dress you down for.
Uh, don’t let me interrupt you praising me.
Every inmate likes praise. Why shouldn’t I?
Do continue if you please.

GLP: I also would like to give a serious warning to everyone.
You most likely will be confronted with incorrect English, adult stuff, real life, dramatic irony, and sarcasm at some point, so dear snowflakes take notice of what the Federalist Papers already have warned you about:

GLP: So, U, do you prefer to be addressed as “inmate U”?

U: No, well, yes.
Make that a no again.
I’m an inmate – so yes. We’re all inmates and strictly equal.
But since I created the asylum on unfuck u I am more equal than other inmates are.
So it’s a no.
So you can address me as you, uh, U.

GLP: As I am an inmate of the asylum myself, I can understand your desire to distinguish yourself from “the comrades of the newly resurrected EUDSSR” .

U: Oh no.
I don’t see the need distinguishing me or my blog’s asylum from ANY dictatorship since I am a dictator as well, you see. Hail U!

GLP: That leads me to our todays topic: Disguise, camouflage and hiding.

U: Nah, come on! I’m not so frightful a dictator to run off hiding. Actually, I’ve got some real nice medication in my pocket. Want one?

GLP: No thank you, I got my fair share of blackpills already and I am not fond of any happypills with any unicorns on it.

U: How about dragons? I should have such a pill here somewhere… hold on…

GLP: Please, U, try to focus. This is our first interview and we, uhm, U, want to impress our, uhm U(r) visitors, right?

U: My visitors are here to stay and, being inmates, they’re all on medication.

GLP: Please stay focused on our topic.

U: What?
Ah, yes. Focused.
All right.

GPS: We agreed on “disguise, camouflage and hiding”. Therefore I would like to draw your attention to the relationship between two opposing political parties-

U: Huh? I don’t – uh, forget this muttering of mine.
Please do continue.

GLP: It’s about the relationship between the German conservative CDU and the German socialist Party “Die Linke”, former GDR “SED”.

U: Ah yes. The SED! The socialist unity party. Funny name for a murderous bunch of communists.

GLP: A few of the inmates spread the conspiracy theory for a while now, that both parties are in fact the same.

U: That’s correct.

GLP: That in fact Angela Merkel is the great leader of the socialist unity party of germany disguising as the leader of the (former) conservative CDU.

U: Ah! Now it makes sense! You’re talking about political camouflage. Uh-huh.
Well, I cannot tell you wether Mrs. Merkel is a great leader.
She’s having ordinary looks, and thus she could disguise herself without any effort posing as a member of the cleaning brigade mopping the floors in some run-down kolkhoz.
On the other hand Nicolae Ceaucescu with his funny hat could have worked right beside her in the same brigade…
I‘d wager she might be a tad more intelligent than he was – she’s still alive, isn’t she – and as long she has her hidden toy under control that makes her shiver from time to time, she’ll be a fine leader for the coming twenty years.
Sorry, I see you’ve got more to say. Please…

GLP: A few hours ago those inmates have been proven right as Merkel (CDU) has invalidated the prohibition of cooperation with the socialist Left (Die Linke) to make the socialist Ramelow head of state in Thuringia.

So, as a dictator, would you like to give us your opinion on this kind of political disguise and the proper time to abandon a proven strategy?

U: Well… look:
A dictator may do as he pleases or else he wouldn’t be a dictator and all the fun one has by ruling absolutely would just fly out of the window.
Playing by the rules is for pussies.
Dictators make the rules but they don’t have to live by them!

Now, if you wanted to know my personal opinion about that charade…
Well, she’s definitely making too much of a fuzz:
Manipulating here, agreeing there, having secret meetings, showing secret hand signs… that’s all pretty exhausting and reminds me of how tyrants worked a hundred years ago.
But we live in modern times, don’t we?
We have so many modern tools at hand – and the easiest is MEDICATION.
It’s simple. It keeps the pariah docile, stupid and under control.
One doesn’t need all that shiny extras in order to please or manipulate the masses.
What they need is good, proven medication, some water, a little bit of food and a cot. Preferably with some kind of roof above it.
And there’s another advantage to this:
It saves a lot of money!
Imagine all the funny things you can do with all that money!

But I digress:
Did you actually want to ask me about real camouflage? Or maybe you’d opt for this pill with an octopus on it? It gives you really awesome dreams you wouldn’t want to wake up from – and if you should do wake up, you’d yearn for another example of modern chemistry…no? Why?
Do you prefer Merkel’s methods of manipulation?

GLP: Thank U, that was a very enlightening answer. And again no thanks for the offer of a candy flip as for now I will ask you a very important question on outdoor camouflage.

U: Yes. Finally.

GLP: Could you please give us some advice on when not to use camouflage?

U: If you don’t know how to camouflage yourself.
If you don’t know how to apply it in the field.
If you’re not disciplined enough.

GLP: Do you really think that camouflage is of any use in a case of zombie apocalypse?

U: Do you really think that there ever will be a zombie apocalypse?
There are lots of spiritual zombies in our societies. Just watch a sitcom and you’ll understand what I mean.
If you’d drag them into the wilderness they wouldn’t know what to do and they’d be scared shitless.
So, no. One doesn’t need to camouflage because of contemporary zombies.

GLP: I am under the impression that the woods on the asylum´s grounds are quite small and vegetation is not dense at all. Besides the asylum has 80 million inmates not to speak of the 40.000 Trainees from the US. Don´t you think that the woods will become a little bit crowded like the beaches of the Mediterranean during the summer holidays?

U: I really don’t understand what you mean. There’s more than just 80 million people in the asylum. And there’s plenty of woods, jungles and dense vegetation.

But I think you have a fundamental misconception of what camouflage is all about.
You just gave me the impression that you believe camouflage only makes sense in big forests or dense vegetation.
That’s not true at all. On the contrary. The denser your surrounding vegetation the less you need camouflage.
Where’s vegetation the densest? In a thick hedge or under a pile of leaves. Get into that hedge or crawl under that pile of leaves and you won’t need camouflage at all!

An enemy wold spot the spotter (the guy with the binoculars) first. He doesn’t apply the rule „never cast a shadow yourself“.

The real advantage of good and simple camouflage becomes obvious when there’s only light vegetation or none at all. Think of any kind of meadow or a rocky desert. Or even urban environment.

GLP: Does camouflage make any sense in this kind of scenario?

U: When I finished my first ghillie suit I went into a small garden of a friend’s family. I knew they would be back home in about ten minutes. I took that time finding a good spot, applied a bit of fresh vegetation to the suit and hunkered down.
When they came home their kids started to play in the garden and my friends sat down at the table so close to where I was crouching that I could easily touch them. I really had to be very careful making my presence known or else I would have scared them big time. That was fun!

So much for hiding in crowded places.

GLP: And how about the risk of being confused with a combatant?

U: Let me refer you to your first question about when not to camouflage. If you’re unsure and you do it wrong then yes: you might be mistaken for the enemy.
If you know what you’re doing you don’t need to worry about being spotted.

END OF PART ONE (of two)

Thank you Heimdallwarda for realizing this project with me!
Folks be sure to visit and bookmark Heimdallwarda‘s blog!
What the fuck is Godwin´s Law?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s