GLP Interviews U: Camouflage (part 2 of 2)


Godwin’s Law Productions (GLP) – which is (as you all know by now) a brain child of Heimdallwarda and unfuck U – interviewed me about camouflage.

Here’s the second of two parts.

GLP: And how about the risk of being confused with a combatant?

U: Let me refer you to your first question about when not to camouflage. If you’re unsure and you do it wrong then yes: you might be mistaken for the enemy.
If you know what you’re doing you don’t need to worry about being spotted.
Let me rephrase that.
You actually should always worry about how you’re camouflaged by being aware of your surroundings and by knowing what to pay attention to and which errors to avoid.

GLP: What do you mean when talking about “crowded places”? Something like “scarecrowded places” ? Are you going to scare crowded places or are you scared of crowded places?

U: Eh?

GLP: It is easy for someone like you, who looks like a scarecrow himself, to stand deadstill with a foolish grin on your stuffed face in any field of grain or corn and hide in plain sight. You do not even need a Ghillie.
U: …
GLP: But how about us goodlooking and handsome inmates?
U: that’s an interesting theory indeed. Only handsome inmates need to wear camouflage whilst ugly ones don’t stick out. Ugly inmates like me…

GLP: Maybe you really do not need camouflage at all?

U: How about returning to serious questions?

GLP: Alright. What about the usual military camouflage suits? You know, camouflage trousers you can buy in almost every shop or second hand shop?

U: Yes, what about those?

GLP: Would you recommend to wear them in a crash scenario in the German or Austrian (from now on referred to as Augerms) asylum wing?

U: Ah, you mean the Germstrians! A funny people I must say. Camouflage doesn’t always have to do with nettings, burlap strips and leafy twigs, you know.
Camouflage depends on the setting you are in.

GLP: Can’t you provide me with an example?
Let´s say to explore the urban environment: What kind of camouflage do you recommend to people, who have to stay or have to go to towns and cities, for whatever reason?

U: Well, as you know there are two basic approaches to camouflage:
A) trying to look like something or
B) trying to look like nothing

Usually, trying to look like nothing is the better approach as it might be pretty tough looking like a bicycle or a fish pond.
In urban settings there are several methods trying to look like nothing by blending into the background. If there’s a pile of rubble one might try looking like the broken bricks. That isn’t very easy though and needs very special camouflage that becomes almost useless as soon as you’re leaving that pile up rubble.

So the best method would be looking like something – like a regular pedestrian. Wear the same clothes as the people in the streets do. Eat the same food as they do and thus smell the same as they do. Walk their walk and talk their talk – if you must talk. Hide in plain sight.

GLP: Coming back once more to the Ghillie. As it seems to me, since your first using a Ghillie you did not put it off.

U: Says someone resembling a sick porcupine. A very sick one. Without needles.

GLP: Could you please give our readers some advice about Ghillie DIY?

U: Yes. Go to YouTube and find the video “I’m toast because I screwed up my ghillie”.
Hold on… no, the name was “I got raped by a Yeti because I believed it was a comrade wearing a ghillie”.

GLP: *rises an eyebrow*

U: Alright. No more jokes on the name of the video that’s called “The Art of Camouflage”.
There are several versions out there, most of them pretty short. The original should be a bit longer than one hour. I believe it was made by some kind of special forces guys some time in the early eighties.
It’s by far the best video about making a ghillie yourself. There’s also an introduction to the bushrag, the yeti and camouflaging your gear.

My ghillie is based on that video but I improved it a bit.
A ghillie is something very personal and every ghillie suit is different.

GLP: For sure you want avoid strange, certain noises and also to be able to defecate without impregnating the suit with your, uh, very individual scent.

U: Before an operation one doesn’t eat much – but what you will eat is local food with local seasoning. That way your sweat and your feces and urine won’t differ in smell from the locals. That’s olfactory camouflage.
While on operation the stuff you’re eating is pretty bland but contains all the fats and nutrients you’ll need. You won’t need to relief yourself a lot. Actually once you’re back it might happen you’ll be suffering from constipation.
When you reach your OP the best thing to do is digging in, building some kind of camouflaged shelter. Once this is done you can get rid of your bodily wastes – into a bottle and a bag. You won’t leave that behind. You take that with you.
But your suggestion of relieving yourself inside a ghillie isn’t as far-fetched as you might think. Once you are in position and on observation duty you can’t just leave for having a dump. If there’s no one around who could fill your position while you’re gone you will have to do… just that. Regarding the sound of farts, uh, that sound usually doesn’t travel far. Snoring does travel far though. Happened to me once in an FOP. Very bad karma I can tell you.

GLP: You also do not want to set yourself on fire at the fireplace with all that shaggy crap hanging around, right?

U:  Once you’re in a situation that allows you lighting a fire you usually won’t be needing a ghillie since you’re clearly out of sight of the enemy.
But you’re right.
Ghillies made of natural fabrics are far superior to those made out of artificial fibers. Their artificial counterparts have but one advantage: resistance to mold and fire – to a degree.
One can try impregnating the natural fibers on a ghillie with certain fire retardants but that effect wears off over time and these fluids also change the smell of a ghillie.
So the easiest thing is staying away from any open flame while wearing a ghillie.

GLP: You mentioned that someone needs to know when to use a Ghillie to make proper use of it.

U: Dude, the first step is to know your shit when it comes to camouflage. One needs to know how to camouflage properly, how to „read“ your surroundings in the area of operations, how to adapt the camouflage to that so-called baseline and how to make the best use of your surroundings by implementing all principles of camouflaging, and movement.
So one has to know first how camouflage works and how to implement that knowledge before trying to become invisible.

GLP; Did I understand you right that a Ghillie is best used for investigative purposes? Spyops, surveillance, explorations and so on?

U: It very much depends on your role within your deployment. In milops most of the time you‘re an armed observer in a camouflaged forward position. Even a famed sniper‘s role is mostly surveillance duty. Sometimes he has to place a precise shot but what he does most of his time while deployed is observation duty.

GLP: What about the usage of a ghillie for cultivation of customs and ancient traditions like Beltane or carnival?

U: Believe it or not: I was twice employed impersonating the God Cernunnos on Beltane. I was hiding in plain view until the evocation. The reactions of the participants was incredible!
I also had fun a couple of times on Halloween.

GLP: Not to mention its usage to attract ready to mate females?

U: Lad, I cannot comment on that. Let it remain a secret of the trade 😉

GLP: Now you come out of hiding! Practicing Nazi rites! Awesome! Do you use runes and occult symbols, too?

U: Nazi rituals? Are you mad? What does Cernunnos have in common –

GLP: *interrupts* I also would like to impersonate Cernunnos as gods are not supposed to pay alimony for their offspring…. or…or … do you pay, actually?

U: Now listen carefully bubba: I really don’t know what’s wrong with your brain.

*rises from the chair*

And, frankly, I don’t care what your problem really is. I agreed having this conversation because I thought we were having a talk about camouflage and now…

*gesticulates wildly*

…you’re out of your mind, madly happy about the fact I was impersonating a Celtic God which you think is cool because you believe it’s a Nazi ritual!
Let me suggest we’re ending our talk here and now. You may come back should you recover from your madness or in case you should need some medication but that’s about it for now!
Go now and have a nice day.

*slams the door behind him *

GLP: *mutters* selfish prick…

And thus, dear Inmates, Godwin’s Law has once again prevailed.

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