Dear inmates: don’t fuck with that virus – you might get screwed!

Dr. Theresa Tam

In lieu of an in-person update to the media, Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s Chief Public Health Officer, issued the following statement today:

„[…]

Sexual health is an important part of our overall health. However, sex can be complicated in the time of COVID-19, especially for those without an intimate partner in their household or whose sexual partner is at higher risk for COVID-19. Like other activities during COVID-19 that involve physical closeness, there are some things you can do to minimize the risk of getting infected and spreading the virus.

[…]

If you choose to engage in an in-person sexual encounter with someone outside of your household or close contacts bubble, there are some steps you can take to reduce your risk.

The most important step is to establish a trusting relationship with your sexual partner. When engaging in sexual activity you can reduce your risk by:

  • Skipping kissing and avoiding face-to-face contact or closeness;
    • consider using a mask that covers the nose and mouth;

[…]

Sexual activity with new partners does increase your risk of getting or passing COVID-19 through close contact, like kissing. Remember as with all social interactions, try to keep your number of close contacts low if possible.

[…]

The lowest risk sexual activity during COVID-19 involves yourself alone.“

Whenever I start to believe it can’t get any more absurd… well, you‘ve just read it.

37 thoughts on “Dear inmates: don’t fuck with that virus – you might get screwed!

  1. Deathray

    That bint says wear a mask.
    That’s kinda funny being she’s the perfect example of a double bagger.

    Like

      1. Deathray

        Been a busy day here guys sorry to be late responding

        It means she’s pretty damn ugly and you put two bags over her head in case the first one breaks.

        ” Double Bagger “

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Aussie John

    Don’t feel bad Unfuck, I speak the Queen’s English and don’t understand it either. Deathray is using that weird American dialect, I think it means he finds her doubly appealing. If your only choice of girls are black, brown or Polar bears (those hussies!), then it’s no wonder DR wants to bag her twice over! It’s no crime to be lonely.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Aussie John

        Unfuck, if you can find enough UV cream to protect your pale Austrian skin, I’ll be easy to spot on a beach: surrounded by a bevy of fawning top-heavy redheaded girls.

        Like

      2. Unfuck U

        Uh, yes. I have to admit that a certain private part is pale. It will stay that way, mind you.
        Redheaded girls you say?
        They do like white bearded men, don’t they?
        Hell everybody likes Santa Clause! I even got a ptesent for them. It’s pale.

        Like

      3. Deathray

        You need to watch closely UN.
        Like I said, when he’s not being a Ass.

        Those times are extremely rare.
        I really don’t think the poor misguided fellow can help himself
        so, I tend to smile and shake my head most of the time.

        Now Cederq on the other hand wants his lotion slathered head on a pike.

        Like

      4. Cederq

        UnFucked, I am not dead, much to Aussie Commode’s discontent… just chilling out and not saying much. I don’t want Aussie thinking The Death and me are ganging up on him.

        Like

  3. Aussie John

    I get a lot of practice at both, so it comes easily. I lay on my back to read a book or look at what somebody has posted on the few sites my phone will display. If I ever get mobile again, Doktor Unfuck will need to look for me on the beach, fishing rod bent from the monster barra on the end of the line.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Deathray

      The thing you get the most practice at
      is using the sun block and spankin mankie
      while looking at Un’s Irish redhead photos.

      Like

  4. Aussie John

    The many readers of Unfuck’s blog deserve to know the truth behind Steve Irwin’s death: the lack of sunblock or UV cream. If he’d just slathered enough of it on, he would have been protected from dangerous rays!

    Like

  5. Aussie John

    Herr Doktor Unfuck, I think you need to put some even stronger pills on DR’s prescription, he is projecting his own fantasy. He probably never sees a beach, except when a lake thaws out for a couple of months. If you strap it to a Huskie’s collar and point it north, that will be more reliable than the USPS! As for Cederq being dead, I think he just smells that way. Maybe Trump should pay him to break up some riots, his BO might succeed more than pepper spray! Mind you, both those blokes are probably getting more than I am. You of course, being a married man, need merely snap your fingers when you want a beer or a cuddle, right?

    Like

  6. Unfuck U

    Where’s the difference?
    You only need to wiggle your little, dark tanned, suncream trenched finger and all those redhead Celtic girls come running, almost fighting for a chance cuddling with you, right?

    Like

  7. Aussie John

    Unfuck, this will surprise you and Deathray, but to be truthfully honest, no. Well, not always, sometimes those redhead minxes play hard to get! That’s when I use my superpower: I stoop, limp and hobble in great evident pain, and they all come running to help the poor old man, from pity. I (reluctantly) accept it though.

    Like

  8. Aussie John

    Hey Unfuck, re the deservedly dead Yank Commie Reinoehl, I’ve never seen that surname before. Is it of Germanic origin, or BeNeLux, or what?

    Like

    1. Unfuck U

      Reinoehl… yes I was wondering, too.
      Could have been Reinöhl a couple of centuries ago. Sounds of Germanic origin. Might originate from Germany, Switzerland or the Netherlands.

      Like

  9. Aussie John

    That picture on the ‘net of him with his 11yo daughter at an ANTIFA ‘protest’ is an alarming example of Red mindset, she packing a baseball bat. She, and his 17yo son, upon reaching majority, are unlikely to be conservative voters. I wonder if Deathray would consider running an interventionist reeducation camp for rescued young Leftists at his mountain lair?

    Like

  10. Deathray

    Not going to happen brother.
    If you’re following my posts I mentioned a stint as an elected official.
    When I made the big move north I did my due diligence and came to a solid conservative environment.
    The commie leftists all hangout 400 hundred miles from me and its bad traveling to get here.
    Those little Subarus they like so much aren’t seen much around these parts.

    Like

  11. Aussie John

    Deathray, that being my point exactly. Just because the fruit of the loins of Useful Idiots are still around, don’t write them off by blaming them for the sins of the father. Some non-government intervention camps exist in remote country stations here, that have high success among otherwise hopeless recidivist criminal indiginous youth, that would otherwise rot their young lives away on ice or other drugs. With no drugs or grog, no social media, a 100 mile walk to the nearest bush town if they skip, most kids come good and stay good when they go home. Even the Soviets took the young of the kulaks to convert into good young komsomols, obedient little Commies. If they escape woodpile duty to run away from your place, the grizzlies or wolves would be cracking their femurs open to suck out the marrow! It’s too late to rehabilitate me but, so I’ll remain locked up with the pretty redhead guards behind Unfuck’s razor wire!

    Like

    1. Unfuck U

      Yeah. They’re in front of the wire, inmate! Could it be you’re talking about that pin-up picture you’ve been hiding under that creaky floor board in your room, eh?

      Like

  12. Deathray

    There’s a huge glacier not far from me. You can’t see the beginning or the end in any direction from the center.
    I’m all for giving them helicopter rides complete with a landing. Good use of taxpayer money.

    They come off that and I’ll consider them rehabilitated.
    Don’t think they would be very welcome in my area.
    It is not a very friendly community to outsiders unless they’re just passing through.

    Took me some getting used to.

    Like

      1. Aussie John

        After Deathray turned up, the town took down the Happy Valley sign. Later on, after Cederq moved in too, they renamed it Village Of The Damned!

        Like

  13. Aussie John

    I’m jealous, sounds good to me. I’m sick of humid swelter, and spring is only a few days old. We skipped winter again this year, apart from a few cool mornings.

    Like

    1. Unfuck U

      Ahhh… but isn’t that nice relaxing in the heat under the sun on the beach?!? Careful Aussie. You’re contradicting yourself.
      (Dammit… I really gotta check his medication… )

      Like

  14. Aussie John

    Unfuck, it’s nice on the beach if you’re in the shade of a cool beach almond, with an even cooler ale, surrounded by hot bikini babes (so long as their frolics don’t disturb my fishing tackle). My wedding tackle, they are always trying to disturb!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. CC

    If it’s that pale, Dude, Coronavirus protocols require you make sure it doesn’t have a temperature and a cough too.

    Like

    1. Unfuck U

      Wait! Who’s this?
      A new inmate?
      *opens a squeaky door*
      Come on in!
      We’ve got excellent medication here, my friend!
      *turns towards the onlooking inmates*
      Right? Am I right or not!!?!
      *points at Cederq*
      Beware of this guy though.
      Having fleas is his smallest problem.

      Like

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